Where have I been???
I’ve been running from myself. I’ve been falling back into bad habits because of my stupid PTSD.
Coming soon: An anniversary effect post
I’ve been putting myself down constantly for reasons unknown. I’ve become severely insecure about who I am and where I’m at in life. I’ve basically just been putting myself down extremely.
Because I’m unfortunately having thoughts that I had almost a year from the aftermath of the tornado.
Why am I here? Why am I so lucky to live? Why am I so special?
But now, why am I thinking like this? Why am I reverting back to these toxic thoughts?
My brain is weak and stressed, but I cannot let it win. I have made it through so much shit in the last year that if I just decide to cut myself short like this, I’m basically giving up. And I cannot give up.
I refuse to sit here and let my illness win. It’s trying. Believe me. But I will not let it break me down and make me unhappy. I will not let it make me believe that I’m not enough.
I am enough. I am happy. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, and I will not let this illness win and make me lose everything like it has done before. This year is for taking myself back. I’m not “trying to find myself” because I have a pretty good idea of who I am and what I want. I am reclaiming myself because I’ve been lost for a long time now and it’s time to come home.
So the plans for this daily blog might change a little. I’m still going to write everyday, but I might not write personal stuff everyday. I so have some short narratives I wouldn’t mind sharing with everyone. I also might try poetry. I’ve always wanted to try writing poetry, but it’s always just seemed too hard for me. I did get some advice from a poet that comes into my job every so often.
He said, “When writing, everything is usually planned out and you have to know what you’re going to write. When writing poetry, you have to become comfortable with yourself to let yourself go. Don’t think. Just write.”
I’ve thought about that a lot, and I really want to try to just write poetry. Writing helps me. It makes me feel whole. It lets me escape the harsh reality of the world. I know we all face struggles daily, but I say that we try to overcome those struggles so we’re not as stressed. If something is bothering you, let people know. You are important, and you deserve the attention you deserve. Be happy and stop worrying about the small things. You can do this, and if there’s no one that believes in you, know that I do. Let me know your story. Talk to me. I’m here.
What made you smile today?