Serendipity

ser·en·dip·i·ty
ˌserənˈdipədē
noun
the occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way.

I’ve had many, many years  to think about my misfortunes. I’ve had so much time, in fact, that I consider them misfortunes. I’ve thought of all of the “bad” things in my life as just that. Bad. I’ve never stood back and maybe thought that this things weren’t all that bad. Maybe they were building me to be stronger for the future.

Some of those things are certainly bad, there’s not getting around that. But when I thought to myself that my world was ending because my boyfriend at the time was ignoring me, maybe that was a lesson to learn how to be on your own. But let’s break that down some more.

When you’re in a relationship you are not supposed to be alone. You are supposed to be there for each other no matter what. Time get tough, people get stressed, but that is no excuse to run. Never run away from what makes you happy, run towards it. If you run from it, then it never made you happy and it was there to fill a void. I digress.

So basically, I always thought of these hardships as things to punish me. I never thought of them as life lessons until recently. Being abused taught me to put a guard up, but having a good heart teaches me to not put too high of a wall up because you can’t assume that everyone is bad. Being called fat when I was in high school has now taught me that everyone is beautiful in their own ways. People making fun of my face in school taught me to never discriminate. Losing some of the closest people to me taught me to always tell the people around me that I love them.

The occurrences have ultimately made me a strong, independent, and caring woman. Now not all of things are “happy” per say, but happiness ultimately came from them.

I left those relationships. I was happier.

I lost weight, and ignored negativity. I was happier.

Yes, I lost people. Murder, stroke, heart attack, suicide, it was their time. But I learned to make sure the people around me knew they were loved. I was happy knowing I had so many people watching over me.

Relationships

As previously stated, if you’re in a relationship you are supposed to support your partner. Hitting them, calling them names, and belittling every single thing they do is not love. Telling someone that the only way they can convince you that you’re beautiful is by having sex with them, is. Not. Love. If you constantly feel pushed and pulled from every direction because of their roller coaster of feelings for you, you are not a person to them, you are a toy.

Leave them. Let them sit and regret ever treating such a beautiful person so poorly. They’ll miss everything you ever did for them. But sometimes there will be the ones that will say awful things about you. They will tell all of their friends and the world that you’re crazy. They will spread nasty rumors about. Learn to ignore it. Learn who you are. You are an amazing individual who’s strength rivals Greek Gods, and show them that you will not be easily broken down.

Bullies

People can be literally the worst. They can take every part of you and critique it. You’ll look in the mirror and see your stretchmarks and think to yourself, “How can anyone love me?” You’ve seen all over the news headlines and the television entertainment shows. Stretchmarks and fat are “not pretty.”

Let me tell you something, love yourself. I never loved myself. Ever since I was little I constantly found all of the things “wrong” with me. Also, my peers at school would chime in every so often and let me know everything wrong with me. This led me to believe that I was just completely broken and ugly.

Love. Yourself.

Do not let yourself be your worst enemy. You are you’re own hero, and the only one who can save you is yourself. You’ll meet people that will lift you up, and they will walk with you. They will show you that you are beautiful. Don’t let those vile people’s words sink into your brain and poison you. You are stronger than them

Loss

We’ve all lost someone extremely close to us. Family, friends, pets, etc. Most of the time this is seen as a bad thing. Losing my grandparents to simply old age and health issues made me struggle. I couldn’t understand why someone I cared so much about could just be taken from me so easily. I had a lot of resentment and anger for years because I wanted them back. I wanted to be able to catch butterflies and grow flowers with my mammaw and papaw. I wanted to be able to sit next to my grandfather’s bed and have him tell me I’m beautiful again. He was always so proud of me, and he honestly was the one who taught me what true love is.

Seeing someone I held very close to my heart lie in a hospital bed barely clinging to life because of a selfish and jealous boy with a gun, changed me forever. I sat in the hospital unable to emote. I was calm, but on the inside I was screaming. Every time I look out at the beach I hope to see you kicking your soccer ball around. I wish everyday I could just see you smile at me again because then I know that everything will be okay.

I learned that life is precious. I also learned that we all have a purpose. These people had too many troubles to count, but they made me smile. They always made sure I was smiling. We are here to make others smile. We, as human beings, should learn to not be so selfish because you never know who might need you.

Serendipity

So let’s finally loop back around. The events have all led to this moment. January 12, 2018 21:27 PM, Thursday. Today, I am content. I am in a place I quite literally never thought I would be in. I have my bad days, yes, but I am happy.

It’s slightly crazy talk but I feel like the universe is finally aligning for me. I find happiness in my everyday life, and I no longer think that my life is ending everyday. These events have led to this happiness. I have been doing well at work, I am about to graduate college, and I have some of the best people in my life.

The last part of 2017 was my serendipity. Just good thing after good thing kept happening to me. And it’s still happening. I literally feel like a phoenix born again from its own ashes. It just blows my mind that so many good things have been happening right after the other. I had hoped that I could be like this for so many years, and I really never thought it would happen.

I have my bouts of anxiety, and I have my days where I am very sad. But I can overcome it. I have so much support behind me, and I have just so many good people in my life. I’m here to tell whoever reads this that this is not your end. You will make it through whatever you are going through. It may seem like your troubles rule your life, but jut trust me. You can survive. You’ll start experiencing good things. You’ll start noticing changes. You’ll find your serendipity.

What made you smile today?

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