Missing

Hello everybody!!

I would like to go ahead and apologize for not posting since Wednesday! I did say that I was going to probably miss a lot of days, but I will make up for them! So let’s catch up a little.

Thursday, I was having a great day off! It was nice to go shopping, and I had to get ready for my weekend. That night I had a small panic attack and started to just feel really bad about myself. I don’t know why I get like this. I start to really put myself down, and I start to tell myself that no one really wants me around. Crazy enough I’ll start to believe it. I’ll start to believe that I should maybe just start not talking to people and being more to myself because I bother people too much. I know that this isn’t true at all, but that little voice in my head tells me that no one loves me. It’s possibly the hardest thing to deal with it, and I honestly hate it so much.

I was able to tell that voice to shut up though. It’s really hard to make my mind stop overworking, but when I do I feel so at peace. Having to deal with that voice is so tiring sometimes, but I always know that there’s a way for me to overcome it.

Friday, I didn’t go into work. I woke up and just felt sick. This was the first time I’ve ever had to call in, and I just felt awful about it. I felt extremely selfish for taking time to myself rather than going into work. But honestly I couldn’t get out of bed. The room was spinning, and there was no way I was going to make it to my car safely.

I was able to finally make it to my car because I had a trip planned that I absolutely had  go to. Wizard World Comic Con was this past weekend, and I couldn’t even begin to explain how excited I was! I had always wanted to go, but the opportunity just never came up. On top of finally being able to go, I got to meet David Tennant. I. Was. Pumped!! David Tennant was my first Doctor, and he was the reason I became such a big Whovian. He had always been such a big inspiration for me because he has always been so positive. His Doctor was always the Doctor that cared tremendously for others, but would do anything to keep them safe.

Story time:

I bought a TARDIS journal about seven years ago. I had no idea what I was going to write in it, but I wanted to do something with it. Then, one day I decided I would wait to do anything with it until I got my first Doctor’s signature in it. I seriously never thought that would happen. I was fully set on just keeping this empty journal for years. Well, I got David Tennant to sign my journal. I have honestly never felt more accomplished in my life. He was there for me for o many years of my life. He made me feel like I would never be alone when I was battling god awful demons in high school. Also, major plus, he pronounced my name right. This never happens so I basically started crying. I was literally so extremely happy!

Comic Con was honestly such an amazing experience. It was everything I expected and so much more. Seeing all of the cosplayers gave me hope for my own cosplays that will eventually see the light of day. The art was phenomenal! Also, I had no idea that horror movies were so prevalent at Comic Con. So basically I was in heaven. Horror is hands down my favorite movie genre, book genre, etc. Being at Comic Con was just amazing. Being in a place where so many people have the same nerdy interests as you is honestly so calming.

On top of having such a great weekend at Comic Con, I spent time with someone I care for extremely. This person came into my life at the end of that terrible year 2017, but he was honestly the best part of the year for me. He made me feel like I didn’t have to hide who I am. He made me feel so cared for, and that has honestly never happened to me. It’s always been me making sure I do everything just right to make other people happy. Not saying I don’t want to do everything in my power to make him happy, but it’s finally mutual. It’s something I thought honestly wasn’t real until now. He has supported me in all I do and I am just extremely thankful. We spent the weekend together, and I just honestly have never been so happy with someone. He’s a blessing, and I am the luckiest girl.

Okay so today was finally my day back at work. I honestly was feeling so scared since I had called in. I didn’t want to show up and everyone be mad at me, but that wasn’t the case. Work was very calm for me today. I was beyond relieved.

So this brings me to my happy moment for the day:

IMG_0445

I went to Panda Express on my break, and I got this fortune. I’ve gone through a ton of hardships in the past, and this fortune reminded me of what my purpose is. I want to make people, I want to make people find the happiness in their lives, and I want people to be grateful. This reminded me that I really have a purpose with this blog. Even though I start to feel really self conscious and I sometimes don’t believe this blog will reach anyone, I know it just might reach the right person. The person who is having a bad day and needs a reminder that they are strong. We are all strong, no matter who you are. Never think that that you are not enough for this life because you are. You are meant for greatness, and don’t doubt yourself for a second! I know that this is just a cheap little fortune in a fast food fortune cookie, but sometimes the smallest sayings can make you appreciate your life. I do believe now I am heading in the direction I am meant to go. I am finally happy after so many years of tricking myself into thinking that I’m happy. I am genuinely content with my life, and I want whoever this blog reaches to reach deep within themselves and find what really makes you happy.

What made you smile today?

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