September

The first two days of September were perfectly normal and happy. I had a bad feeling that something was going to happen. Everything had been just a little too right for too long for me. I know that sounds kind of cynical, but I used to have misfortune almost every week.

September 3, was a day that I was completely unprepared for, but rewind for two seconds. When I took my boyfriend back in April he promised me that he was going nowhere. He told me that he couldn’t see himself without me. Over the summer I also had a night where I was feeling really scared that he was  tired of me and that he was going to leave me. I cried sitting on the bed and told him that ever since I found out about him having another girl in his room back in December 2016 I was nervous about anything he did. He also still had contact with this girl because she was in our friend group so it wasn’t like we could just kick her out and leave her with no one. I would never wish that on anyone. Loneliness  was all too familiar to me, and I was aware of how awful it was. He had promised me on that summer night when I was crying that he was never leaving me, and I no longer had anything  worry about.

My life consisted of broken promises.

“I will always love you and you’re not annoying.”

I woke up that morning and I had class. Nothing was new about the day, it was actually a pretty normal day. My plan for the day was to go to class, go to work, and go home and cook dinner for my boyfriend. I wanted to cook him his favorite meal that night because he had seemed pretty stressed out because of having to drive back and forth from the coast for weeks. I have always been a girl that likes to please my significant other in every way possible. I noticed that he was feeling a little down so food was of course going to be the medicine. I went to class, but I heard nothing from him. I just figured that he was super busy with going down to the coast and rehearsing. He would get mad at me if I tried to text him and see if everything was okay because I apparently mad him feel like he was under surveillance. So i let it go. I got to work and still didn’t hear from him. I still just thought nothing of it. I got off work around eleven o’clock. I decided to go to campus to visit some of my friends before going home just because he wasn’t on his way home yet. As soon as he text me and told me he was on his way home I got in my car, made my way home, and started cooking dinner.

It was weird to me that the only time he had text me that day was to let me know he was on his way home. He never actually told me when he made it to the coast which bothered me because I didn’t know if he was safe r not, but that’s another problem I have. I always want to know when the people I care for make it to their destinations, but like I said in a previous post we’ll talk about that later. He hated how I wanted to know when he made it places. I thought that was fishy, but I put my trust in him because he told me there was nothing to worry about because he was going to always be there.

He made it home and I was still cooking. I had just a few more touches on the food to make and it would be done. I could tell that he had a long day and that something was on his mind.

Some explanation before I start on this story. When I started back to school I was supposed to move into and apartment with one of my friends. It was taking longer than I expected because this was my first apartment and there was a lot f paperwork that I had to get from my mom. She lives on the coast so it was hard for me to get everything at once especially when the place that I was moving into was not very good at telling me everything I needed to begin with. But I had a place to stay until everything was figured out. Living in that house with my boyfriend was perfectly fine with me, and he was patient with the process…

He sat down at the island in the middle of the kitchen and asked, “So when are you getting the paperwork from your mom so you can move into your apartment?” My plan was to go down to the coast and get it from my mom on my next day off so I let him know that and he replied to me with a heavy sigh and an “ok.” I thought that was something was off. He was thinking about something, but I couldn’t tell what it had to with. I finished cooking, and we prepared our plates and sat down at the table. He looked at me while we were eating and said, “I just though you were going to be out of here by August. Its September, and you are still here.” Then, I started to understand what was happening. I just informed him that the process was taking longer than expected, and that I should be in my apartment within two weeks. Obviously, that was not quick enough for him.

He told me that his parents were starting to get annoyed that we were still living together. According to him, his parents didn’t like the idea of us living together in the first place, but they understood because I didn’t have a place to live and I needed a job over the summer. This, I found out, was a lie that he made up to make himself feel better about what he was about to do.

He told me that I should probably find a place to stay because he was tired of getting chewed out by his parents about us living together. He was tired of his mother breathing down his neck about me, and he couldn’t take it anymore. I quit eating my food, and I sat at the table and started to cry. He looked at me crying and said, “Please don’t do this right now.” Words that will forever ring through my head every time I start to cry. I finished eating his meal. Me, who had not eaten all day,  did not finish my meal. He walked to the trash can and threw away his scraps. “I think you need to leave.” He started washing the dishes that were in the sink. I looked at him and simply said, “Where am I supposed to go?” He said “I don’t know” and turned his back on me.

I turned to his back and said, “So it’s just over like that?”

“I didn’t say we’re breaking up, you just can’t stay here anymore.”

I started to cry even harder now, but I tried to hide it because I didn’t want to make him angry. I walked over to the sink to throw away my meal. I hugged him from behind. He pushed me. The dishes fell in the sink. I knew at that point that I should stop fighting and I should fly. He turned to me and said, “Ever since we moved in together I feel like all I ever do is see you. Honestly, I’m depressed again and it’s because all I ever do is try to make you happy.  I’m tired of you always crying and I just feel like I can’t do anything to help.” I looked at him and told him that I was happiest when I was with him and that when he was gone I missed him extremely. He shook his head and continued doing the dishes. While this conversation was happening I had grabbed my phone and text a couple of my friends to see if they were awake. I looked at him and asked again, “So is it over?” He said nothing and just continued washing dishes. I heard glass shatter in head. I sat on the ground still crying, and I realized what I had to do.

I went to our room and grabbed all of my bags. I called my mom and asked her if she knew of anywhere I could stay. She was angry and confused. She told me to just calm down, grab all  of my important stuff, and call some friends.

“I can’t believe this asshole is doing this to you again.”

My mother always had a way with words. As I was packing my bags he came into the room, looked at me angrily, walked to the front door, slammed it closed, and he was gone. I packed all of my clothes, shoes, toiletries, documents, DVDs, and anything else I could fit into my small car. I got in my car and hoped to hear from a friend soon. I thankfully did hear from someone so I headed to their place.

I sat on her bed and told her and boyfriend about what happened and they were disgusted. After all I had done for him, he tells me to leave and doesn’t care what happened to me after that.

I lived out of my car for about a week and a half. I stayed a few different friend’s houses so I wouldn’t have to sleep in my car. I was homeless for the second time in 2017. To this day, I still have not heard from him.

I thankfully moved into my apartment and was able to get my own bed up here. As I slept in my bed in my room that night, I thanked God that I was out of that house away from him forever.

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