August

In August, almost all of my friends were back in town. I was beyond happy to be able t go campus and see everyone! I helped my best friend move her dorm room around after we went to our band director’s house for a leadership party. I was just extremely content to be back with my friends. We laughed like we always laughed before the tornado ever happened, we sang our hearts out to BTS, and we were happy.

I wanted to try to combine August and September into one post, but too much happened in September. August didn’t really have much in it. I mainly was very happy to be back with my friends. I wasn’t spending as much time with my boyfriend because I was so engrossed in my friends. Which I am very certain that he was very happy about.

All summer my boyfriend has been telling me that he couldn’t wait until my friends were back in town because then  would have something to do. Honestly, he just wanted me to go away. He wanted me to have something to do so he could go spend all of his time with the friends he had that didn’t like me.

I have spent a lot of years going through different boyfriends that had friends that just did not like me at all. They would either tell my boyfriend at the time that they didn’t like me because I was boring or they would just tell me straight up that they did not like me. I’ve bee told by boyfriend’s friends that I was the downer and that I was not good for their friend because I didn’t like going out. I’ve also been told that they didn’t like me because I’m too emotional. This was the case with the last boyfriend I had. Some of his friends told him that I was too much of a woman and that I was way too emotional/annoying. They would down my emotions so much that my boyfriend fully believed that there was something seriously wrong with me and there was nothing wrong with the fact that his friends were assuming things of me and generalizing me.

With that being said, I could feel myself spending more time with my friends than with my boyfriend. Also, my boyfriend had gotten this job in a play that he had always wanted to be in. I was so proud of him because he had gotten the part he wanted, and I was the one who told him about the audition. I also went to the coast with him for the audition because I wanted to support him as much as I could. Since he got this part it meant that he would be spending most of his time on the coast. It didn’t bother me much, but I did miss spending time with him. I saw him when we went to bed at night, and I saw him when we woke up in the morning. I was honestly starting to get very upset when he would have free time and decided to spend it with his friends that did not like me. I know that’s very selfish of me. I wanted to be able to see him when we both had time off, but I decided to not say anything to him. Any time in the past when I would mention that I felt like he was spending more time with everyone else but me he would get very upset.

So I fell silent again.

 

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